I quote from “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine” by Robert Moore:
“We hear it said of some man that "he just can't get himself together." What this means, on a deep level, is that so-and-so is not experiencing, and cannot experience, his deep cohesive structures. He is fragmented; various parts of his personality are split off from each other and leading fairly independent and often chaotic lives. A man who "cannot get it together" is a man who has probably not had the opportunity to undergo ritual initiation into the deep structures of manhood. He remains a boy-not because he wants to, but because no one has shown him the way to transform his boy energies into man energies. No one has led him into direct and healing experiences of the inner world of the masculine potentials”.
When coaching men, we are deeply aware of this fragmentation, the necessity of being led through chaos by introducing structure and ritual. To the uninitiated and the inexperienced, it probably doesn’t make a lot of sense in the beginning. It’s wax on, wax off. It’s making dots on a page for 30 minutes. It’s religiously making chess moves every single day, possibly at a time when your entire world is burning down. You show up, you do what you’re supposed to do. You are guided through a process, you humble yourself and you follow through.
With “ritual”, we go within and yet we integrate, we connect to a bigger picture, to a collective movement. With process, we tame the ego and prioritize discipline, we develop durability and structure. In receiving guidance, we put our faith into the wisdom of the tribe and those assigned to lead us through the journey. This is how boys become men.
One of the things I often hear from guys is: “It’s not fair how women don’t have to learn how to be women”.
Well, you might have heard that men are not born, but made. We work and grow. We have huge responsibilities on our shoulders. We need to be pushed, cut, shaped, chiseled and made stronger and sharper. We are responsible for learning how to navigate the chaos of nature, and then to provide and protect.
Be proud of the work you have to put in. Be proud of the sacrifices. It’s all in service to the world.