Over the years, working as a life coach for men, I’ve come to recognize a critical truth: not everyone is coachable. This isn't a judgment; it's simply a reality. Some men are ready to embrace change, growth, and the uncomfortable process of looking inward. Others, despite their best intentions, struggle to let go of the very things holding them back.
Being coachable isn’t just about showing up and wanting improvement—it’s about being open to feedback, being willing to be vulnerable, and admitting that you don’t have all the answers. And trust me, that last part can be tough.
The Importance of Humility in Growth
One of the biggest obstacles to personal growth is pride. When you feel like you have to know everything, like admitting you’re wrong is somehow a weakness, you put up walls that keep you from progressing. To be coachable, you need humility. It’s not about feeling less than; it’s about understanding that there is always more to learn and that true strength comes from acknowledging your limitations, not hiding from them.
Humility allows you to accept constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack. It’s recognizing that feedback isn’t an indictment of your character—it’s a tool to sharpen your skills, your mindset, and your way of handling life’s challenges. If you approach life thinking you have nothing to learn, you’re only hurting yourself.
The Growth Mindset vs. The Fixed Mindset
Psychologists talk about the difference between a "growth mindset" and a "fixed mindset." People with a fixed mindset believe that their abilities and intelligence are static—they think they either have what it takes, or they don’t, and no amount of effort is going to change that. On the other hand, people with a growth mindset believe that with effort, learning, and perseverance, they can improve and develop new skills.
In coaching, the men who come in with a growth mindset are the ones who thrive. They understand that no matter where they’re starting, they can always improve. They’re not afraid of making mistakes because they see those mistakes as opportunities to learn. And when they get knocked down, they get back up and ask, “What can I do differently next time?”
But for some men, shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset is a challenge. If you’ve spent years believing that you have to prove yourself at every turn, that any sign of weakness or failure is a reflection of your worth, it’s hard to open up to new ways of thinking. The fear of being seen as inadequate can be paralyzing. But the truth is, nobody grows without being willing to confront their shortcomings.
Why Some Men Aren’t Ready
There are a lot of reasons why some people aren’t ready to be coached. Maybe they’ve been burned before by someone who criticized them without compassion, or maybe they’ve grown up in environments where vulnerability was seen as weakness. Whatever the case may be, when someone isn’t ready to open up to feedback, it’s not about them being a “bad person” or “lazy.” It’s about fear, pride, and a lack of trust in the process.
A person has to be ready to accept the discomfort that comes with growth. It’s not easy to hear that the way you’ve been doing things might not be working, especially when those habits and patterns have become a core part of your identity. That’s why, in coaching, we emphasize self-compassion. It’s not about beating yourself up for what you haven’t done—it’s about recognizing that you can do better, and that the process of doing better is ongoing.
How to Become Coachable
If you’re wondering whether or not you’re coachable, here are a few key things to reflect on:
Are you open to feedback? Not all feedback will feel good, but if you can take it in, reflect on it, and apply what’s useful without getting defensive, you’re already ahead of the game.
Do you trust the process? Coaching is a journey, not a quick fix. If you can trust the long-term process, even when results aren’t immediate, you’re setting yourself up for success.
Are you willing to be uncomfortable? Growth happens outside your comfort zone. If you’re only willing to stay where you feel safe, you’re limiting your potential.
Can you admit you don’t have all the answers? This is a big one. The moment you can say, “I don’t know,” you open yourself up to learning, and that’s where real transformation begins.
Are you willing to take responsibility? It’s easy to point fingers at circumstances, other people, or even your own past. But at the end of the day, real change happens when you take ownership of your actions, your mindset, and your future.
What It Takes to Move Forward
The men who succeed in coaching aren’t the ones who have all the answers. They’re the ones who show up ready to learn, ready to put their pride aside, and ready to embrace a mindset of growth. They understand that nobody has it all figured out, and they’re willing to be guided by someone who’s been through the fire themselves. They realize that being coachable doesn’t make them weak—it makes them stronger, more resilient, and more capable of handling life’s inevitable challenges.
If you’re serious about leveling up in life, the first step is becoming coachable. That means being humble, being open, and most importantly, being ready to learn. Not everyone is there yet, and that’s okay. But if you’re willing to put in the work, there’s no limit to what you can achieve.
In the end, being coachable isn’t about pleasing a coach, proving something to someone, or checking off a box. It’s about showing up for yourself, being honest with yourself, and committing to the journey of growth. And that, more than anything, is the key to becoming the man you want to be.
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