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Falling Down and Getting Back Up

This is a message of motivation for men. We all struggle. We grind, and grind, and grind. We feel like we’re constantly working, doing our best to perform in a way that gets optimal results, but sometimes it’s just one setback after another. For all of our efforts, luck doesn’t favor us and we end up in a classic SNAFU (“Situation Normal, All Fucked Up”). This sucks the life right out of us. We start beating ourselves up. WHY is this always our normal? WHY is our situation always fucked up? What’s wrong with us? Are we stupid? Are we just really unlucky? Are we weak? Are we lazy? And most importantly, how do we fix it?

This is classical male thinking: first fix the problem, then deal with our emotions. But if the problem demonstrates that it isn’t just magically getting fixed, then the fear and anxiety thinking starts setting in. We begin catastrophizing, vividly imagining worst-case scenarios, and unwittingly manifesting these outcomes by worrying about them until they become realities. There’s an expression: If you look for a snake for long enough, you’ll eventually find one.

This is actually a bit of deep concept, the idea that there’s a causal relationship between our thoughts and our perceptions. It’s the reason books like “The Secret” achieve universal recognition; no matter how you choose to define it for yourself — whether your cosmogony is primarily scientific, spiritualistic, or religious — the actual mechanism of what is often referred to as “The Law of Attraction” is demonstrable. For the purposes of coaching, I try not to go too far down the rabbit hole attempting to explain how this principle works. Instead I simply assure guys that it does work — that it is precisely the solution they are looking for, despite how counterintuitive it may seem — and challenge them to man-up and trust the process.

This is where guys find themselves digging deep. What they’re hearing me say is basically, “Don’t trust your lying eyes bro, I’m telling you there’s nothing to worry about.” The challenge for them isn’t mustering the stamina to deal with the grind, but rather being still and allowing the fear of vulnerability to overcome them. It eventually passes, and on the other side of that fear is faith. Faith that by simply getting back up again when we fall, putting one foot in front of the other, and mechanically going through the motions WHILE practicing inner quiet, we will eventually come out the other end of this shit-tunnel and see the light of day.

I’m telling you, man…. this is the only real solution to your predicament. To get unstuck, start moving. To defeat fatigue, get up. And most importantly, to defeat fear, practice faith. Not just when there is evidence that things will all work out, but specifically when all signs lead to imminent failure.

– Dennis


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